Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 9, Episode 2
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the second episode of the ninth series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'RH' – Russell Howard *'NR' – Nik Rabinowitz *'JC' – Jarred Christmas *'JW' – Jack Whitehall Topics Unlikely Lines To Read In The Bible *'AP:' The characters in this book are entirely fictitious. *'HD:' And Samson said, "Lord, why have you given me all my strength in my hair?" And the Lord replied, "Because you're worth it." *'RH:' Noah noticed that the Ark was sinking. He hated woodpeckers. *'JW:' And Mary and Joseph were turned away from the inn, for there was no room. But then a wise man came along whose name was Lenny of Henry, and there was plenty of room at his inn, for it was a Premier Inn. *'RH:' Jesus was born in a stable. So in many years later, when he left the door open and people said "Were you born in the barn?", He could say "Yes, I was, actually." *'NR:' And then a trumpet brought down the walls of Jericho. It was Joshua with his bloody vuvuzela! *'JC:' And Moses arrived with the commandments. "Huh, got some bad news for Dave the Ox Lover..." *'RH:' The Last Supper was a disaster. We're never going to Nando's again, lads. *'HD:' In the courtyard, Jesus came across a man who couldn't walk. "Brother," he said, "have you been involved in an accident that wasn't your fault?" *'AP:' It rained for forty days and forty nights, which was a surprise, because the Met Office predicted a barbecue summer. *'HD:' Adam and Eve had two sons, who could not work together. Their names were Lampard and Gerard. *'JW:' About the author: This is God's first book, he has one son, and he's a little bit touchy about gays! Category:Scenes We'd Like To See Things You Won't Hear Your Sat Nav Say *'RH:' Don't be angry, but while you were getting petrol, I shagged your iPod. *'AP:' Are we there yet?! Are we there yet?! Are we there yet?! *'HD:' (German accent) In 300 miles, you will realize, this German voice was a terrible mistake. *'JW:' At the next set of traffic lights, a cyclist is gonna pull up next to you and is gonna give you a really dirty look like he's better than you. When the light turns green, let's see how good his balance is! *'AP:' Turn right at the next junction for a bloody good dogging site. *'RH:' I tell you what darling, how about you get out of the car and let your husband park? *'HD:' Turn right. Wrong. I didn't say "Sat Nav Says." *'NR: '''WELCOME TO CHILDBROOKE! LOCK YOUR DOORS, PUT ON YOUR BULLET-PROOF VEST AND DON'T LEAVE ME HERE! IF YOUR AGO AWAY AND LEAVE ME HERE I WON'T BE HERE WHEN YOU COME BACK! *'RH:' Bear left. And over to the right, ''squirrel! *'JC:' Ohh... you just turned me on. (shudders) *'NR:' Hold on, I've got the map upside down. *'RH:' Left. Left. Your girlfriend's left. *'JW:' (female-like voice) Next dinner party, you'll drink and I'll drive. *'AP:' Did you turn the gas off? Did you lock the door? Did ya? Did ya? I reckon we should go back, I reckon we should go back! *'HD:' (looks around) Where the fuck are we? Category:Scenes We'd Like To See